Hi sunshine,
Back to another yapping session right here, haha..
Got some news for you. I went back to the work field! oh wow. Actually I wasn't really sure at first about any kind of job here. The only job I knew was in the office, computer, doing clerical things. But you know what, turn out I enjoy it so much. It's always fun to be back to work, indeed. I work in a place full of elderly. I love it when I knock to their room and greet them--though sometimes they aren't there. I also think it's good to enhancing my english skill, and adding some income, ehehe ~
By the way, Katya entered kindergarten, yeay! Something that we wait for couple of years hahaha~ she's so happy, though she's not as social butterfly as her brother, but she's doing extra fine. I'm so blessed.
Sunshine,
I don't know why those harsh words are still echoing in my head. Sometimes it's played on repeat like a broken cassette. and I'm still hurting every time it comes. I know I shouldn't think about that. I'm still far from forgiving, I even don't think I want to forgive them. I just want not to care about what they said. Acted like it's not important for me. But those words stabbed me deep, it left a wound, and a huge sad feeling & disappointment. They never walk in my shoes, they never feel what I feel, they never get the same treatment, how dare they being so tone-deaf and act blind about my situation? Should they shut up and count their blessing, instead? Such an un-empathetic human being.
In their head, I'm just an evil woman that capable of doing the bad things without any necessary reason. They don't think that that cruel act is a result of years of pain and extended patience that's expired. They don't know how many tears I shed before I slipped, how many times I prayed so things will get better for me, they never heard about how desperate I was to feel happy, that I was once a devoted person but reality betray me. So what's with the judgmental attitude? They think I did it lightly, which is showed me how they see me. And that reason only, is enough for me not to think about forgiving. I want to cut the ties, instead, and I will do.
Sunshine,
I want to heal. I still want to be happy.
